Yana Djin Essays

Tasteless Passions

Moscow News
August, 2001

There is a new scare in America. It is advertised incessantly on every TV channel, written about in every newspaper and being broadcast from every radio show. The gist of the scare can be summed up as follows: Girls, don’t date your Congressmen! Even if they happen to look like Harrison Ford and even if you happen to be JAPs, i.e, Jewish American Princesses.

Let me digress for just a bit: we’ve been having torturously slow news days in the United States ever since the uneventful Bush administration took over the White House. America is not involved any open, all-out war presently, Tim Mcveigh has been executed, and save for some grammatical butchering of the English language and gazing into the inner souls of other heads of state (such as Putin) Bush Jr seems to be incapable of making any headlines. The Republicans proved to be one big bore for Washington DC -- a city that certainly does not need any exercise in ennui. Once again the Democrats -- the Prodigal Sons of American politics -- had to come to the rescue and revive this lethargic and muggy capital.

The only attractive member of Congress, the 53-year-old Californian Gary Condit, is being bombarded all sides for having an affair with a 24-year-old intern, Chandra Levy who has vanished fromfrom sight and is now presumed dead. Condit denies any involvement with the intern’s disappearance but the American public and its odious gurus -- the media -- are requesting that Condit resign immediately. Condit, evidently, does not believe in originality, for his behavior is a replica of Bill Clinton’s when the latter’s affair with his own chubby intern came to light. Just like Clinton, Condit insisted for the first three weeks that the only thing that he shared with the ambitious intern was the love for politics and public service. On the fourth week, after he became the sole focus of local and national news, and was being increasingly pressured by the police, Condit managed to recall several incidents where he and Chandra shared more than their commitment to public service, namely -- a bed in which they engaged in adulterous acts that are deemed illegal in some Southern states. Needless to say, a scandal ensued but being flavored by American morality, it soon lost its element of shock and became tedious. Even scandals are repetitive in this country which never gives up a chance to point a pseudo moral finger and lecture from the pulpit of cheap psychobabble! “Imagine! A Congressman, an elected official whom the public trusted sleeping around?!” “If he didn’t admit it at first, he must be guilty!” “He should be arrested immediately for obstructing justice!” These are just a few typical examples of indignant remarks that Americans are making presently.

I am seriously coming to the inevitable conclusion that the American public is largely demented. Even the most despotic and totalitarian regimes did not propagate to arrest their official for infidelity or lying about it. As for any criminal charges, none can be brought against Condit simply because there is absolutely no evidence of foul play on his part. Naturally, if Chandra Levy is dead, it is, indeed, an unfortunate fact but should a man be punished merely because he slept with her? He can certainly be despised and hated for not having enough guts to come out and tell his under-educated and overweight constituents that, yes, because he is a Congressman, and because he is lean and good-looking, he appeals to women and has affairs with them -- something which their uneventful lives are lacking. He could also be despised and hated for having the ambition to represent such constituents. He could be mocked and laughed at for being one of the very few Democrats who voted for Clinton’s impeachment couple of years ago. But I suppose, Mr.Clinton is already doing just that. And, indeed, he could be reprimanded, along with Bill Clinton, for having an awful taste in women. What happened to the times of Kennedy where the other women were Marilyn Monroes and Marlene Dietriechs? Have these politicians lost their eyes along with their scruples. Granted, the public office is usually a refuge for the sleazy and the lowly, but these pimply “femme fatales” are not worth risking even a political career for. Just picture the bony and big-nosed Paula Jones, the fat and flabby Monica Lewinsky, and finally the probably-dead but still very plain Chandra Levy! In any other country no self-respecting crook will be caught with any of them! And add to that unappealing physique the American female’s propensity to take after barracudas as far as disposition goes.

Someone should enact a law according to which every member of Congress and Senate should be obligated to visit Amsterdam’s Red Light District at least once a year. They tell me that women are prettier and smarter there and they do not demand of their casual lovers that they immediately leave their wives of 30 years. Besides, in Amsterdam they could also inhale! But, after all, we are living in America, a country which seems to be determined to erase fun and individuality from its midst and where morality consists not in being kind and forgiving but -- legally married. And until this “great nation”, as its citizens like to refer to it, decided to intervene with the internal policies of some small sovereign nation and impose upon it the laws that would be more profitable for the United States, we, the bored and the moral citizens of USA, can expect our brains to be drilled by more of the same tasteless pulp: bleached blond anchorwomen warning the young women to stay away from older powerful men, the “evangelical” Republicans insisting that “what this country needs is stricter laws and less attractive men in Congress, and the talk-shows that discuss the controversial topic of May-December romance. The more sane among us must hope that we will endure this farce without nausea and the where-about of the young intern will finally be determined. We could also hope that the next sex scandal will involve women who will be alive and beautiful. But that would probably be an unattainable combination for an American politician, for as Mark Twain put it: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Congressman. But I repeat myself.”


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